The 10 commandments of neoliberalism

This is a follow-up to The first job creator.

And God spake all these words, saying,

I am the Market thy God, which have brought thy GDP above the other nations, out of the bondage of reference to the flourishing of life. Thou shalt have no other gods before maximizing Wealth and individual Creativity.

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image which might tarnish thy institution’s brand, or tarnish any brand that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: for I the Market thy God am a jealous God, visiting the bad credit rating of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto the 1% of them that love me, and keep my commandments, and have access to Wealth.

Thou shalt not take the name of Bankers in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that questions financialization of every aspect of life.

Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy by creating kickstarters, etsy stores, and by maximizing thy Twitter followers and blog SEO. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt build thy personal brand, thou, thy son, thy daughter, thy dog, thy cat, and the strangers with which thou hast brunch: For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, but in order to pay off credit card debt and student loans, thou shalt not be lazy on nights and weekends: wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it to human capital.

Honour thy father and thy mother: if thou art lucky, they might contribute to thy student loan payments.

Thou shalt kill costs by cutting benefits.

Thou shalt not commit stimulus to anything but the financial sector.

Thou shalt not steal time from thine employer.

Thou shalt not bear false witness against democracy and free markets.

Thou shalt not covet solidarity with thy neighbour’s community, thou shalt not be in solidarity with thy neighbour’s wife, nor the workers that serve him, nor the animals raised in factory farms for his meat, nor the earth which he pollutes, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s. Thou shalt not seek political solutions to problems, but shall seek superficial ways to feel superior to thy neighbor, such as eating ethically raised meat and signing online petitions.

And all the people saw the thunderings, and the lightnings, and the noise of the trumpet, and the mountain smoking: and when the people saw it, they removed, and stood afar off because they were all afraid of the national debt.

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4 Responses to “The 10 commandments of neoliberalism”

  1. jasdye Says:

    I feel like you so perfectly captured the Spirit of Rahm Emanuel and Whole Foods.

  2. Stephen Keating Says:

    Funny coincidence: I just discovered this post on twitter: http://www.the-utopian.org/post/53360513384/the-thirteen-commandments-of-neoliberalism It takes a slightly more serious approach.

  3. Parable of the First Job Creator | The Horizon and The Fringe Says:

    […] Brillian satire by Adam Kotsko at An Und fur Sich … with a follow-up by Stephen Keating, “The 10 Commandments of Neoliberalism.“ […]

  4. Upbuilding Links 6.26.13 | Re(-)petitions Says:

    […] Keating at itself presents the 10 Commandments of Neoliberalism. Itself also called my attention to this excellent blog, Absolute Economics, which is currently […]


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